More Thoughts After ACTFL

It's amazing - I went to ACTFL this year feeling worn down and like TPRS and Comprehensible Input just can't fit into my mandated curriculum anymore.  After all, the absolutely wonderful novels are not on the approved reading list.  Free and Voluntary Reading is discouraged, and I am supposed to keep my students on grade level reading and writing Common Core standards, even if that means leaving the target language and reading and writing in English.  My storytelling has gotten lackluster, my questions are predictable, my students won't participate... and I wondered "why do I keep fighting the bureaucratic machine"

Now, here I am, a few days post-conference.  The difference is amazing.  I went to some great sessions.  (The trick is don't feel guilty, if a session doesn't seem to fit your needs, leave and find a different one that does!  Another trick is, if there is a time slot with no interesting sessions, hang out in the exhibit hall.  I think I set up camp at the TPRS publishing booth!) 

Randomish thoughts:

I went to a session on writing and the Common Core.  I figured I needed to see what other people are doing.  Well, they advocated staying in the Target Language and *supporting* the standards but by getting our students to be proficient in reading, writing, and thinking in our target language.  How refreshing!  Now if I can just communicate this effectively to the "higher ups"

I already mentioned the embedded reading and cultural reading sessions.  I keep thinking how much more accessible reading will be with the layers of reading.  Start small and build up.

The last session I went to, on Sunday afternoon (yes I got kicked out for last call) was about making homework meaningful.  

I have fallen into the trap of, I guess flipping my classroom in a way.  The high school teachers here all use traditional language learning models.  My students leave my classroom and have to take daily vocabulary and grammar quizzes.  No longer is it about acquisition or communication.  And I have struggled to find a way to balance my beliefs and research with the expectations of my district.  The final exam is also very much based on grammar rules and vocabulary memorization rather than acquisition in the language.  Some of the questions come directly from the student workbooks.  And so, since I do not use the textbook or workbook in class, I assign workbook pages as homework in order to familiarize my students with the layout and expectations of the book's author (and therefore the exam), as well as their future teachers.

Which brings me back to the session.  The presenter used backward planning starting with those "can do" statements in the program (My textbook says things like "students will be able to order food at a cafe") then planning backwards to figure out what instruction with actually be able to get the students to that point.  Her homework reflects that same philosophy.  Rather than assigning the grammar activities because they are there, and are expected, she has students prepare for the oral classwork the following day.  She asks students to "be ready to____" and such activities as "discuss three things you own" in this case, students will be using the verb tener (to have), but the homework focuses on the skill of using it in context rather than isolated lists of verb forms, and students are pressured into doing the homework because they have to stand up in class and speak.

I woke up at five o'clock this morning thinking about homework, my curriculum, and how I can get my pedagogical philosophies to match what I am teaching again..  (I am such a nerd!)  How can I get my students more involved in what they are learning, more vested in it, etc.  Also, if they are truly able to acquire this language, in theory they should be able to do as well on the test.  @martinabex.com @embeddedreading.com

On Going S-L-O-W in a GT class

The point was made that if I slow down my delivery to the point that even the slowest student in my class can understand, then I am hampering all of my other students. Is that really fair for me to do, especially considering I am trained in teaching GT students and am working towards my master’s in GT education?


Yes, it is. Because the underlying assumption is that if I slow down my delivery there is nothing left for the advanced students. But therein lies the beauty of TPRS. In any traditional class, during the direct instruction all the students are learning exactly the same information at the same time. Or at least, they are being exposed to the same information. The students at the top of the curve have already mastered the material, and they are now bored. The students at the bottom of the curve aren’t ready for it and they react by looking bored or uninterested. But really, they are just overwhelmed.

In a TPRS class, however, this is not true. Although the teacher is standing in the front of the room talking (sometimes), this is not direct instruction in the way we have always envisioned it. The teacher is leading a group into a collective effort, but each student is focused specifically on the information that is new to him/her. Slower processing students are focused solely on the words and trying to construct meaning. Faster processing students are focused on the underlying grammar behind the words, and how to construct meaning. Faster processing students are honored because they are often the students who can think of clever new scenarios in the stories the class is creating.

There have been a few studies that have shown that mixed level TPRS classes have been the most effective. I know that Michelle Whaley has posted about the results of her mixed level Russian classes on Ben Slavic’s blog, and Blaine Ray has referenced another teacher who had astounding results with her levels I-IV in the same class. When the vocabulary and the speed were not an issue, students could truly acquire some of the more subtle parts of the language. These kids often nail grammatical points that usually stick out as the immediate flag that a person is not a native speaker (in Spanish the use of the subjunctive, por and para, ser and estar) and they do this because “it sounds right” and because the many pop-up grammar lessons infused throughout every class stick.

As a teacher, I can pop-up anything I feel my students need to work on. So, for my slower students I pop-up, “Why did I put an –n at the end of that verb?” (It’s plural) and for my students who are beyond that I will point out that although this is an –ar verb, it ended in an –en, why is that? (It’s a plural command)

TPRS in a non TPRS department

TPRS in a non-TPRS department


There are 9 teachers in my department. I am the only teacher who is trying to use TPRS. I have taken a softer, gentler approach this year. Meaning, I have not advertised my use of TPRS, nor have I chastised the other teachers for using the methods they do. Instead, I have sought to find places and times where what I believe can be shared in an open way. For instance, I shared a participation rubric that Ben Slavic posted on his blog. I have shared strategies for reading skills.

I discovered that in my case, it is not that my department is anti-TPRS, it’s that the bureaucracy of the district I teach in requires a high degree of lock-step teaching. We are expected, district wide, to be on the same chapter as every other teacher within a few days.

It is also a lack of familiarity. When I have made comments, such as referencing the top 100 words used in spoken Spanish, or that “even stupid kids growing up in Spain learn to speak Spanish” that my ideas are listened to. I even brought up the topic of homework not having an impact on learning. One of the teachers decided to try an experiment with her students – and she is the most traditional teacher in the group. Not everybody agrees with me, but that’s ok. I didn’t become a teacher to have everybody agree with me. It’s enough that we can all listen to each other with respect.



Now, I don’t share everything. In part because TPRS sounds so fuzzy and not well prepared if you don’t SEE it. I mean, telling other teachers that you aren’t too worried about grammar just rings all sorts of alarms. And it isn’t even true. But, it’s hard to put into concise words what we do. So, mainly I share in small bits and pieces.

Towards the end of the year I gave up and taught the old way. The kids had to have a certain amount of information in order to be able to pass the standardized exam, and I didn’t have enough time to cover it all in a traditional TPRS manner (we lost 11 instructional days this year to snow just for starters) and the amount of vocab and grammar just cannot be acquired in that time. So, I used all the time-worn strategies of language teachers everywhere. A lot more of my students failed the second semester than the first, and my exam grades were consistent with first semester grades.

Sooo... now that I am on break I am plannning to use Backwards Designing to map out my own personal TPRS curriculum that aligns with the district pacing guide by semesters next year. There is a rumor that we might be able to keep our students for the whole year, which would ease some of the stress too. I would have a whole year to get students to where they “belong.”

Homework - can I judge?

In another post I commented implied that homework was a waste of time. To be fair, I was referring to a student who has already mastered the material and is now failing because he cannot force himself to do work that he has already surpassed. It would be like taking an advanced mathematics student and failing him for refusing to do 100 problems of single digit multiplication, simply because all the other students were doing the multiplication problems. But, if this kid can do trigonometry, why are we failing him because he got bored of problems that read 4x2=? Come on, sure it’s easy for him, but how intellectually challenging is it?




Be that as it may, I was reminded that it is not fair to judge another teacher’s assignments as being a waste of time. It’s true I do not want others to judge me harshly, and there have been times over this past year that I have worried my teaching style is being judged by many. But, I *do* think that most of the homework assignments are worthless, and not just for my brilliant yet autistic student.



There is a lot of research out there right now that shows most homework has little to no bearing on a student’s actual success in acquiring the desired information. Little to no bearing. If I have 86 minutes approximately 3 days a weeks in which to teach as much Spanish as I can, why am I going to waste precious minutes of that time with work research, supported by my personal experience, will have little to no impact on the actual learning of my students?

building blocks

I have an image in my mind of language as building blocks. Maybe it's because my own kids love building towers, castles, and race tracks with these brightly colored and oddly shaped pieces of wood. There are squares, rectangles, triangles, arches, cylinders and quarter circles of various sizes and colors. Depending on a person's creativity and skill, a person can build many things. We have had towers that have reached as tall as fingertips stretched over head. We have also had race tracks that have been half an inch high. "Don't knock over my castle" I am told as I walk into the bedroom and see an outcropping of blocks. A few minutes later, the castle is a jail for misbehaving race cars. So much of what my kids create is based on what they can imagine. But there are also very strict rules governing their creations. For instance, no matter how hard they try, they cannot reach above their own height to place blocks, unless they use a tool. So, the height is limited. Even stricter (since there are chairs and step stools) are other laws of physics. Balance and placement become so important.

But, I never sat down with my boys and explained these laws of physics, balance, proportion, placement... I never told them, practice stacking two blocks together until you get them perfect, and then practice with three... No, their understanding of the rules of building blocks has come about through play. They have built, and toppled, and built again.

I never told them that before building we had to take an inventory of every block and study its characteristics. Although, the grammarian in me has taken inventory, and does want to organize the blocks into nice neat categories...

Teaching a language is a lot like playing with the blocks. I can teach my students to inventory all the blocks - the words, the morphemes, the grammar... We can study the characteristics of each one. And then we can practice putting two blocks together. Once we get that right, we can move on to two new blocks, or string three blocks together. Or, we can just build. Yes, we will make mistakes. The blocks will fall down. But, when we let creativity take over, the things we can build if we just try!

TPRS

I woke up in the middle of a dream. Not quite sure what the dream was about, probably my thesis.  But the first thought I had was this: TPRS is not really a methodology, it's a philosophy!

TPRS encompasses everything: how to handle classroom management - we never humiliate children, we relate to them as human beings, we never allow them to put other students down, etc.; what to do with the use of L1 (students' first language) - we don't allow it to be spoken in the classroom except for brief grammar lessons lasting no more than a few seconds, we use L1 to translate new structures on the board, etc.; every facet of second language acquisition in a classroom setting is covered.

Which leads me to another rambling thought. I love Dr. Krashen's work. I think he hits the nail on the head regarding second language acquisition. I love his newest thoughts about transparent language rather than 100% comprehension, and about the organic growth of language rather than planned structures in stories. I believe these are ideal situations for language acquisition. But, I don't believe they are ideal in a classroom setting. If I were to truly follow Dr. Krashen's beliefs, I would not be able to teach in a public school.  Because, in a public school, I have a curriculum I am required to follow, lesson plans I must write, I have colleagues who inherit my students every semester and an expectation that they be at similar places as far as the language they have been exposed to. I have 32 students in each class, maintaining +1 for each student while ensuring that the class is comprehensible to all the others, is a daunting task.

Fun in the classroom

Has anybody ever read anything by Alfie Kohn? He's somewhat of a radical. His research suggests that homework is actually detrimental to students' acquisition of the material. And then there's this article http://www.alfiekohn.org/teaching/edweek/feelbad.htm about having fun in the classroom.

Why is it that our classrooms are filled with such quiet desperation?

race issues in the classroom

When I became a mother everybody laughed and joked with me that babies don't come with instruction manuals. And yet, I found that raising a baby was not quite so hard as everybody made out. A lot of it was intuition. A lot of it was talking to other people, watching other parents, making mistakes, correcting...

Sadly, what I find much more difficult is dealing with students. At least, on the human level, not the professional one. I had five years of instruction manuals before ever setting foot in a classroom. And since then, nine more years with one on one relationships, conferences, meetings, more instruction manuals... and yet, certain issues were never addressed in any of those books or meetings. Or, if they were, I didn't get the lesson.

The issue of racism was certainly addressed. At least in the historical context. And in the context of this is unjust. We cannot allow bully students to use race as weapon. But, I can't remember anybody ever sitting down with us and levelling with us about how to talk to students about racism. Nobody ever talked to me about how to walk the tightrope between acknowledging injustices and cultural differences without watering down expectations and crippling my students through accomodations.

How exactly do I even the playing field, and give my students all the tools they need to succeed in life without furthering the injustices already there?

And how do I do all of that while still addressing the curriculum? Do I put the Spanish on hold to discuss racial tension in the classroom? Do I reprimand the offending student and continue with the lesson thus holding everyone to the same high standards?

More thoughts on racism

I never really thought about racism as pertinent. I also never really considered the idea of white priviledge. If anybody had mentioned it to me as a child, I would have laughed at them. After all, I grew up in a single parent home. I attended ten different schools by the time I graduated high school. I remember the shame and the stigma of wearing clothes that were out of style and didn't quite fit because they were bought at Good Will, or donated as some act of charity. To this day I cannot stomach the thought of powdered milk or Wonder Bread, they were staples in the food the local church dropped off on our porch. And I hate using coupons, they remind me of the food stamps my mother used to purchase our groceries.

Racism wasn't really discussed in my family other than to say that it was bad. Most of my friends were white, but not all of them. My friends were chosen more from the demographics in my classes than any other reason. And I do remember thinking quite clearly that I could not be racist because my best friend was black. That was in 9th grade. So, as much as racism was not discussed, obviously the idea of it was a part of my consciousness. Dating a black boy later in high school proved to be disastrous. But again, it never occurred to me to think any more on the subject than that my father was anachronistic.

It wasn't until I lived in another country and was surrounded by another language and another culture, that I began to think critically about my own culture in terms of race. There I sat, in a cafe speaking in English with an American friend. I don't remember what we were talking about, but the rest of the events are burned into my memory. A stranger came and sat down at the table with us. He asked us if we were American, since he heard us speaking in English. We told him that yes, we were. Then he asked us if either one of us had ever met a black person. We were both shocked. It offended our sensibilities that 1. a stranger would sit at our table and intrude into our conversation and 2. that he would blatantly talk about race. We told him that yes, we both knew black people. He was intrigued. He wanted to know what they were like. If we were friends with any, etc. I told him that some of my best friends were black, and he actually physically recoiled. He asked how I could be friends with a black person, they were all gangsters, they all carried guns, cussed, etc. Then I asked him, if he had never met a single black person, how he knew this to be true. His answer shocked me, and still has me thinking years later. See? He knew all of this was true because he watched American movies.

I came home, I spoke to my classes in the university about this. I started watching movies and television more critically. If I didn't know this culture, what would I think watching this? What images are we broadcasting to the world about our views, our beliefs, ourselves?

Then this summer I was taking a course for grad school. I had to interview professionals about ethnic and cultural minorities in schools and how we can better serve our gifted students who are minorities. The woman I interviewed told me that growing up she was raised never to hate white people. Her father had always told her that without white people, there would still be slaves.

Just like the comment made to me in that cafe, and the book I read after completing the interview, this comment has stuck with me. It was a complete paradigm shift for me. I'd never looked at the race issue from that side before. But it was very liberating to hear. I find that since that conversation, I am less hesitant in opening dialogues and talking to people. It is almost as if I am not ashamed of being white, which comment sounds very odd because I am not ashamed of who I am, but I don't know how else to explain the change inside. It was also a burden. I hear racist ideas and views in things people say without even thinking. I see racist images in the media. I see racism in the classroom. And now I ask myself, am I behaving in the manner of an abolitionist? Or am I being part of the silent majority who believes something is wrong but who will not speak up out of fear?

the joy of reading

I think it is so important that our kids read just for the sake of reading - no workbooks, no tests, just time to read something they want to read. I wrote in an earlier blog that this kind of reading in our classrooms in a key to reducing the achievement gap, and I truly believe that. Which is why it is so sad to me that both times I have been observed this year my administrators have commented on how great everything was, but I should perhaps have a follow-up activity to the SSR, so the students recognize the academic rigor of it.

How do we teach people to love something by testing it?

Racism

As part of my coursework, I read the book Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? and other conversations about race by Beverly Daniel Tatum. The book is written on a very conversational level, it's not very difficult to read in that sense. But, it was difficult to read on another level. The author points out that we are conditioned not to talk about race, or even to acknowledge differences in race.

Since I have read it, thoughts just keep permeating and percolating through my consciousness. Mostly though, I see and hear racism everywhere now. Once I thought that racism was nearly non-existent in our modern society. Now I am surrounded by it. Innocuous comments that people say without even thinking reek of it. Comments about "ebonics", comments about customers in restaurants... it sickens me, it saddens me, and in large part, it leaves me feeling confused. What do I, as a white woman, do to stand up to what I see as wrong? How do I point out that these things are not right? That they are racist slurs?

Two thoughts have really stuck with me since I read the book this summer. The first is a conversation the author had with her young son about why some people are black, and how to acknowledge racial differences without being offensive, even with young children. As I talk with my own young children, I think of the conversation she had with her son, and I hope I am teaching him well.

The second thing that really sticks in my mind is that white people don't mean to be racist. The context for this was hiring practices. She writes that often white people will hire white people over other equally qualified candidates without ever realizing that this could be racist. We like to be around people that are similar to us, and so without even realizing our internal biases, we perpetuate old patterns. She went on to say that white people often don't intend to be racist, and if the intention of diversity is clearly made to be a priority at the outset, then this pattern of preference for white candidates is often mitigated.

I was asked to select a student of the month for September. I had two students in mind, when the above thought came ringing through my mind. And then I thought of the board downstairs with the pictures of the students of the month for all the different departments. Most of them were white. Considering the demographics of my school, that isn't too surprising. But, the black students on the board were up there for the vocation and sports, not for the academic classes. I thought about my two students again. They are both fantastic students, with bubbly personalities. They both help their classmates out, are willing to try things they might get wrong, and are happy to play along with my eccentricities. In short, they were equally qualified in my book. One girl is white, the other is black. One girl is an honors student, the other is in AVID (a program designed to help students who might otherwise not be college bound). It doesn't take a genius to guess which girl I picked.

And it has meant so much to her and her family. She told me that it has given her confidence that she can succeed even if she isn't as smart as everybody else.

Top 100 words in a language

In TPRS, we focus heavily on the words that are most often used in communicative language. There is a frequency dictionary for the Spanish language. Blaine Ray tells us that if he had it his way, he would design the curriculum around the 100 most frequently used words in a language, and once those were acquired, he would go on eventually to the 1000 most used words. Of course, he does throw in the silly and unexpected words too, like blue cockroach and flying elephant. These words are mostly to keep interest high - I tell my students the crazy stuff is mental super glue - they make the rest of the words stick in our minds.

The first time I read through the frequency list for Spanish, I was shocked at how many of these words that are used daily are not found in our textbooks. Some, like algo (something) are found in upper level classes. And many are just too common to omit, like el (the). Still, I am wondering how far down the word itinerary is, and why oh why I have to teach it as if it were vital to communication. Most of my students don't even know what an itinerary is in English!

Is education killing creativity?

Here is an interesting talk by Sir Ken Robinson about just that:

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html

No comments from me. At least, at this time.

S-L-O-W Down

I have two boys who together are just bad news.

The one kid, I hate to admit, I rarely expend much energy on. At his first parent-teacher conference last year the parents explained to me why my class was completely useless and that he would never pass it. I figure between his parents' attitude, and his it is just way too much energy away from the kids who actually want to be there. So, as long as he behaves and appears to be doing what we're doing, I don't do much with him. I ask that he be polite and that's about it.

The other boy is actually a really great kid (so is the first, but he doesn't let me see it often) as long as he is kept away from his friend. First trimester this year I saw amazing progress with him over last year. But in the last few weeks he has gotten totally attitudinal on me. Every chance he gets, he goes and sits next to his buddy - abandoning his partner. I've been out a bit and he has refused to work with his partner for the sub. He sits with his friend every day until I finish attendance and correct him. The power struggle is draining - really it is. The other day as he left my classroom he shouted loudly, "Spanish sucks!" I spoke with him, and he got that sheepish grin as he denied having done anything wrong. (8th grade is soooo charming :D )

So, yesterday we were reading the class novel as a class. I had just explained that tiene miedo means she is scared. I mean, [i]just[/i] finished speaking. I have a policy of never calling on students who don't volunteer - something about being utterly embarassed and humiliated by a language teacher in college (and dropping the language forever because of it). But, I called on the second child. He gave his trademark sheepish grin and said he hadn't been paying attention. I told him I knew and we would wait. After about a minute of waiting, he started going word by word through the sentence. He didn't get it 100% correct, but I helped him out a little. I called on him again, and he at least knew which sentence we had read.

Then I called on his buddy - again I had [i]just[/i] translated the word in the sentence, and he didn't have a clue. I told him we would wait. His partner tried to rescue him, she helped him find the correct page and sentence. He shrugged and said he didn't know. I said it was ok, there was a glossary. So, we waited. A long time. Finally he was able to tell us what the sentence had said.
I spent the rest of the class calling only on my behavior and barometer students. We went REALLY slowly. By the time the bell rang the first student, the one whose parents tell me it's a waste of time and he won't pass, was volunteering for sentences. He may have been doing that just to get control of when he was called on, but at least I know he was reading with us, paying attention and participating. And he got to see some success.

I try to go slowly in that class. I really do. But apparently I do not go slowly enough. As soon as I slowed down enough to wait for these students, and really let them process the information, as we went through and circled the new words over and over and over I saw lights turn on, and some of that 8th grade "we're too cool for you" attitude started to fade.

I still don't like putting kids on the spot like that. But maybe if all the tools are in front of them, and I'm not asking for grammatical accuracy (I got a case ending wrong in Russian when my professor told me how stupid I was), then maybe it isn't so bad to call on students who don't volunteer. Maybe it is a way of keeping them involved in the class and keeping them and me accountable. By not calling on them I feel like maybe I am giving them permission to check out and not care or try.

"overachieving slackers"

That's a quote from one of my students. I love it. So do the kids in his class.

But it's a real issue. My students tend to have such high expectations - either of themselves, or imposed on them from an authority (parents or school) - that they often cannot or choose not to live up to them.

I'm supposed to be writing a research paper right now, but for the life of me I cannot figure out where to start. I'm researching three influential people in the field of gifted education and writing a paper discussing how they have impacted the field.

I selected Renzulli, VanTassell-Baska, and Rimm. Renzulli because everything I read has his name cited somewhere - it seems like he is the foundation for everybody's thoughts whether they like him or hate him. It hardly seems like I can consider myself educated in G/T without being familiar with him to some degree. VanTassell-Baska I originally looked at because my professor recommended her. But having done some preliminary research, she has done some amazing work with curriculum development. Which is one of the directions I want to move towards. I am finding her work very interesting. I was not going to write about Rimm. I wanted to write about Carol Ann Tomlinson instead. But everything I was reading, including my textbook, was either written by or cited Rimm. And she focuses on one of my passion areas: underachievement. Which is how I am finally bringing my thoughts back to what I began with: overachieving slackers.

I find that I cannot skim when I am actually interested in the material. So, I have read now several studies, entire chapters, and even a book just to try to get my head around these three people. And what do I have to show for it? A well-polished essay ready to email to my professor? Not even close. I don't even have a page of notes on each person. What I have to show for it is a mental list of students who are underachievers and fomenting thoughts about how to use the material I have just read to help them suddenly become achievers. My brain is churning about ways to help these students set reasonable goals, show them that effort = achievement, etc.

And the funniest part of this is that I am modeling everything I am trying to get these kids to overcome: overachieving slackerhood. I am so caught up in trying to be a good student, a good teacher, a good parent - in trying to reach each of these students individually, etc. that my paper is due in three days and I have not even begun it yet.

Overachieving slackers are us.

teaching is hard to put on paper

I heard a very beautiful thought yesterday, that I will struggle to put down here.

We were in a curriculum mapping meeting kvetching about how difficult it is to put "gifted" onto paper. By that we meant all the little things we do every day to teach our students, but that don't make it into the very linear, uncompromising map. *bleah* In the end, if you read a map, it often looks very flat and lifeless, there is very little there to show all the myriad things we do to bring class to life.

Our facilitator told us that it isn't just gifted that is hard to put on paper, it is teaching. Teaching, she said, is an art. Our classes are our paintings. The map is perhaps the easel and the paint itself, but the students and the classes are the paintings. There is no way to translate that artwork into words. There is no way another person can walk into our classroom and recreate that same artwork. They can pick up the canvas and the paint and make their own artwork, but it will never be the same as what we create.

So here's to creating beautiful artwork, and to finding a way to put all the paint, canvases and easels in an organized place for the next artist to find :)

I'm back

I have been too depressed about school to post lately. That and there has been a lot happening. But I feel as though a veil has been lifted and I have some valuable perspective again.

I can look past the events that are taking place and see my students for the wonderful, delightful people they are again. And in my classroom, that makes all the difference.

This week I have set about taking control back again - making it my classroom and not theirs. It's not that anything became wildly out of control, but the shift in my classroom definately went towards the kids for a little while. And now I'm back. I had a lot of fun so far this week.

a child shall lead them

I have been trying to fall in love with Spanish all over again, or rather trying to let the students see how much I love it. And it is hard. I don't want to be that open to the students, or their families. I don't want to be that vulnerable. I've been reading Narnia en español during FVR time, and that has helped - it has given me time to be encompassed by Spanish even if it is only for five minutes at a time.

Today I fell head over heels in love again in front of my students. It wasn't about Spanish though. I fell in love with Chinese. And it was a 7th grade student who shared it with me. She has decided that she will teach me Chinese in exchange for the Spanish, and I have encouraged it. I have always wanted to speak Chinese, and I love that I can share not just Spanish but that huge C - Connections. I never became a Spanish teacher because I love Spanish so much. I became a Spanish teacher because I love languages so much, and I happen to be able to speak Spanish really well.

I had a conversation with two students today - in Chinese! Obviously I spoke with the student who is teaching me. But then I was muttering under my breath that I have a little brother as another student walked in to class. She said, "Oh you have a brother," and sat down. So, I told her that I also have a little sister. Then I asked how she was. "Hao." (Good.) Then she asked me how I was and I said very well. LOL

The simple pleasures. I felt like I was on cloud nine for the rest of the day! And it was easy to fall in love in front of the kids.

team building

We took our students to the mountains for three days for a Team Building field trip. It's actually fantastic. The gains shown in the students' thinking, processing and just plain interacting with each other is amazing. Each year we see amazing friendships growing from the seends of this trip. One year there was this amazing bombshell of a girl who befriended this boy. He was this tiny little boy who was a bit of a social reject and a nerd. They became best friends for the next two years. Their common link? They both felt isolated by their peers - even though she was Ms Popularity and he was a typical geek. They both felt as though people judged them by looking at them and never saw beyond the surface they presented. It's heartening.

This year was difficult for me. I found it so difficult to put aside my fears and just interact with the kids the way this trip requires. But when I did, the magic was still there. It's amazing how much I still love having students.

falling in love

I have retreated into myself as a teacher and as an individual over the last few weeks. There's a lot of stuff going on at my school that makes it very hard to want to be there really. In the past it's been pretty bad, but I was able to go into my classroom and shut my door and all was well with the world. When I am in my classroom the world is good and very little can disturb me.

But this time, the kids are involved in the ugly stuff. I don't want to be out in the school talking to my colleagues. I don't want to be out talking to parents. And I don't even want to be in the classroom with my students. I don't trust the system anymore, and I don't trust the people.

I asked for advice from friends and mentors. The best advice I was given was to "fall in love with Spanish all over again" in front of my students. I love the idea. I want to fall in love in front of them and make the world fade away for the hour that we are in the room together. But... it's just like falling in love for real. After a bad break-up, after you've been burned by love it's hard to let yourself have that freedom again. Which is sad. Because it isn't Spanish that's burned me. And really, it isn't the majority of the students, or the parents, or my colleagues. It's a small handful of people.

So here's to finding the courage to fall in love all over again.