I have retreated into myself as a teacher and as an individual over the last few weeks. There's a lot of stuff going on at my school that makes it very hard to want to be there really. In the past it's been pretty bad, but I was able to go into my classroom and shut my door and all was well with the world. When I am in my classroom the world is good and very little can disturb me.
But this time, the kids are involved in the ugly stuff. I don't want to be out in the school talking to my colleagues. I don't want to be out talking to parents. And I don't even want to be in the classroom with my students. I don't trust the system anymore, and I don't trust the people.
I asked for advice from friends and mentors. The best advice I was given was to "fall in love with Spanish all over again" in front of my students. I love the idea. I want to fall in love in front of them and make the world fade away for the hour that we are in the room together. But... it's just like falling in love for real. After a bad break-up, after you've been burned by love it's hard to let yourself have that freedom again. Which is sad. Because it isn't Spanish that's burned me. And really, it isn't the majority of the students, or the parents, or my colleagues. It's a small handful of people.
So here's to finding the courage to fall in love all over again.
12 hours ago